“Fine then.” Shoju says sitting down. I notice for the first time that there’s something bulging out under her cloak, but I don’t care at the moment. “Yay! Story time!” I yell and sit down across from her as I turn off my Byakugan. Mini and Deidara also sit down and the rest of the Akatsuki (with the exception of Itachi, who appears to be off sulking somewhere not paying attention.) Get settled down for the most likely epic-but-lengthy story.
     Shoju clears her throat and begins:
     “So I was at the trash dump place dumping the stuff and for some reason Orochimaru was there dumping the crap from his hideout-place and he sort of glanced at me but then seemed to realize the cloak I was wearing so he kinda stared at me and mumbled ‘Akatsuki?!’.
     “So kinda stared back at him and was like ‘Yeah, so what?’ and then he got that really creepy ‘I’m gonna rape you’ smile that scares me so I triggered my Sharingan in case he wanted to fight. He saw it and the smile disappeared and- I need chocolate Deidei get me chocolate.”
     “Wha- No! You get your own damn chocolate, un!” Sensei yells at her.
     “Meh!” Shoju mutters and gets up and walks off to go get chocolate.
     After a few minutes, Shoju comes back with a chocolate bar she must have been keeping and sits back down. She takes a bite out of it, we all look at her, waiting for her to start her story again.
     “Mmmm.... chocolate! Huh? Oh, right, story.
     “So then Oro was all like ‘Sharingan?!’ and then he started looking at me like he was thinking or trying to remember or something and then he was all like ‘You’re one of the blond one’s..... children...’ hee hee blond one heh heh children hee heh... hmm....
     “Oh, right, so then he had the creepy smile again and was all like ‘Kukukuku... you must have realized by now that the Akatsuki is going nowhere, why not come with me? I can give you more power than you ever imagined!’ and so I was all like ‘Yeh-no.’ and then he said ‘Well then, kukukuku, as you wish...’ and then he went all super-snakey on me and I guess I wasn’t paying attention cause he knocked me out and then when I woke up I was on a medical ben- WAHHH TOBI GET THE HELL OFF ME!!!!”
     Tobi had jumped up and hugged Shoju from behind, taking her by surprise. “Poor Shoju-Chan!” Tobi says, “You were knocked unconscious by the evil snakey man that scares Tobi more than angry Sempai but don’t worry Shoju-Chan, Tobi will give you a big hug and make it all better and-”
     “TOBI GET THE HELL OFF!!!” Shoju screams and throws the poor guy halfway across the room. Dang. I forgot how strong Shoju was.
     “Ehem,” Shoju continues, “So I woke up on the medical bench thing and that creepy, nerdy guy who was Sasori-Sama’s spy at one point uhh..... Kabuto! That’s his name, Kabuto. So he was hovering over me and when he saw I was awake he said ‘Ah, good you’re up. Orochimaru-Sama will be pleased.’ and I was really dizzy and I had no idea where I was so when he told me to follow him I did.
     “So creepy Kabuto guy led me into the throne room place and Orochimaru and Skay was in there talking and then the accursed fangirlism took over at the sight of the Uchiha so I was all like ‘Sausukayyyyyyyy!!!’ and then I ran at him an hug-tackled him.
     “So then he yelled something to Oro and Kabuto and they attempted to pull me off of him and I fought them but I was still dizzy and stuff so they managed to get me off so then I kicked Kabuto in a certain area that is held very dear to males so he doubled over in pain and I went to hug Sausey again-”
     “Is this whole thing going to be a fucking love story?! Where’s all the blood?” Hidan demands.
     “Patients, Hidan. There will be blood.... lots of blood...”
     “Heh, good.”
     “Tobi thinks that love stories are beautiful and-”
     “SHUT UP TOBI!!” Shoju yells. “Ahem. So anyways I was about to hug the Boy of Sasuness when creepy Orochimaru grabbed me again with his super snakiness and held me so I could not get to him. Then he was all like ‘I got her as a training tool for you, Sasuke-kun.. She has the Sharingan, so you will be able to train more efficiently to fight Itac-’
     “ ‘Sharingan?!’ Skay-kun said cutting creepy snake-man off and he looked at me like he didn’t believe it and I had overcome my fangirlism for the moment so I triggered it and put them both in genjutsu but dear Sauce of the Skay saw through it so he used his sharingan to get behind be and hit me in the back of the head, breaking the jutsu.
     “So then he was all like ‘This is pointless, I’m already stronger than her. You failed, Orochimaru. Today’s training is done.’ and then he turned to leave.
     “Then Orochimaru asked me ‘What is your name?’ and I was feeling bored so I did some super-quick seals and was all like ‘Itachi Uchiha’ and did a transformation jutsu which really looked more like I was coming out of a transformation jutsu. So Sauseboy heard the name ‘Itachi’ and like, spazzed and spun around and started running at me and yelled ‘ITACHI YOU DIE TODAY!!’ and charged up his awesome Chidori thing but I was smart and moved out of the way so he went right past me and nearly killed Oro. So then he was all like ‘Damn you!!’ and was about to try again so I used Phoenix Flower Jutsu but he was smart and dodged it and came up behind me and stabbed me in the back of the neck, but used a substitution jutsu and appeared right behind him and kicked him in the back. So then he fell over and looked up at me and was all like ‘You are not Itachi, who are you?’ so I broke the transformation jutsu and said ‘Shojuki Uchiha.’
     “So Sause was like, super pissed that I had tricked him like that and was all like ‘Hmph, the Sharingan can see through anything.’ and got up and marched out. So Oro came over to me and was all like ‘Well then Shojuki-’
     “ ‘Shoju.’
     “ ‘What?’
     “ ‘My name is not Shojuki, tis Shoju.’
     “ ‘But you said Shojuk-’  
     “ ‘I SAID SHOJU!!’ heh heh... I love messing with people..
     “So anyways then Orochimaru was all like ‘Well, that doesn’t matter. However, you cannot wear that cloak here.’ and so I was all like, ‘And why not?’ and then he said ‘I am an ex-Akatsuki member. Wearing that ghastly thing here is an insult to me. You are to wear this while you are here.’ and then he gave me this!”
     Shoju unbuttoned her cloak and showed us all what was under her cloak. It was one of those bow things that all of Orochimaru’s servant people wear.
     “Take it off, Shojuki!” Pain yells, standing up suddenly. Shoju just shrugs, unties it, and flings it across the floor just as Itachi walks in. He looks down at the bow, and then at all of us, confusion plain on his face. “Um-”
      “In case you haven’t noticed,” Deidara-Sensei says, cutting Itachi off before he could say anything, “Your student has been missing for THREE DAYS UN!!!!”
     “AS I WAS SAYING,” Shoju yells before an argument could start, “Oro gave me the bow thing and then told Kabuto to get rid of my cloak and threw it to him. But I was smart and caught and hid it first and summoned a fake on in its place and Kabuto took that instead. Then Kabuto was all like ‘Follow me.’ and began leading me down one of the many hallways to a little room. Before entering I kicked him once again in the ‘area’ so he fell over in pain and once he recovered he said ‘If you were not Sasuke-Sama’s training partner, I wouldn’t hesitate to cut your leg off.’ and then he got up and told me ‘You aren’t allowed to leave here for today.’ and closed the door and locked it. So then I was stuck in a crappy little room that I could have gotten out of quite easily but didn’t feel like it. So I decided to destroy things!
     “Earlier that day I had taken some of Deidara-Sensei’s clay from his ba-”
     “YOU STOLE MY CLAY AGAIN, UN!!!”
     “Yeah, I did, get over it.
     “Anywho so I had the clay and I had put my chakura in it so I blew up one of the walls next to me and it was all like ‘BOOM!!’ and the explosion and rubble kind of killed some of the people in the room next to me and I heard someone running over so I quick used genjutsu to make it look like nothing happened and Kabuto came running in and asked if I had heard a really loud explosion. I told him I hadn’t heard anything and he left.
     “So by that time I was really tired so I kinda just flopped down on the bed and went to sleep. Then when I woke up again there was a note on my door that said my door was unlocked and I was free to roam around the lair but I better not try to escape or they wouldn’t hesitate to kill me. Well, by that time I was getting bored of the place and figured you guys were probably wondering where I was, so I decided to walk around and try to find a way out.
     “So while I was wandering I found some cells full of some weird people so I took out my kunais and began stabbing random peopl-”
     “Finally, this fucking story is finally getting good!” Hidan yells.
     “WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP INTERRUPTING MEH?!?” Screams Shoju, “YA KNOW WHAT?! YOU PEOPLE ARE PISSING ME OFF!!”
     “But whatever. So I killed a bunch of people and I guess someone told Orochimaru cause he found me and basically sent me to time out back in my little room place where I finally just got fed up of being there so I summoned my cloak and put it back on and-”
     “You know,” Itachi says, interrupting Shoju, “We should probably go kill Orochimaru and destroy his hideout.”
     “That may not be necessary, Sensei.” Shoju says, “So I snuck out and put some C3 clay in the throne room place and then ran to like, the other side of the hideout and yelled ‘KATSU!!’ and BOOM! No more layer.”
     Deidara-Sensei sniffs loudly. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s crying.
     “I’m so proud of you, un!” he says.
     “So, yeah. I spent the past day and a half trying to find my way back to the lair.” Shoju says with a shrug.
     “Did the explosion kill Orochimaru and my foolish little brother?” Itachi asked.
     “ I Dunno. Maybe.” Shoju says with another shrug. “There were lots of exits in that place, they probably escaped through one of the- WHAAA!! TOBI, QUIT IT!!!!”     
     Tobi had jumped on Shoju again and was hugging her extremely tightly. “Tobi is just glad that Shoju-Chan it back!” the masked man cried happily.
     “Hey, Tobi.” Shoju says through gritted teeth. The rest of the Akatsuki members take an extremely large step back.
     “What, Shoju-Chan?”
     “ART IS A BANG!!!!!” She screams, and there is a very big explosion that throws Tobi against one of the hideout walls.